Romance has been apart of my story. Being a bride to my dream man, has had those " raise your leg," moments, when I couldn't imagine my life without him. If you have watched, It's a Wonderful Life, when Jimmy Stewart kisses his wife, and her leg goes up. I felt that way when my husband to be looked into my eyes, when we were just dating. I was so full of hopes for a sweet, beautiful wedding, and romantic filled life. To live that life ever after.
What I imagined does happen, now. There are those moments that my darling husband will look me in the eyes, and I melt all over again. Or when I'm not expecting him, and he decides to come and drop in at my work to visit me. My heart jumps to think he is here, just to see me. It is those romantic gestures that stokes that romantic part of me.
But lets get real. For those who have been married for over a year or so, you know that the dreams of a married life filled with romance and gushy feelings, is not reality. If you aren't married, this may be a shock, and you just may not believe it!
The truth is marriage takes work. You have to put into it, time and forgiveness. You have to work out your differences and when major decisions are made, you have to be willing to say, ok, let's do it your way.
But today, I want to talk about something that I've been faced with in my marriage. I've already overcome many lessons that has taken time to learn. But this one was the one lesson that came through brokenness.
I'll tell you, if I knew I'd go through shattering, hurtful, down-right painful experiences in marriage, I'd probably run the other way. What I know now vs. what I knew then, was only going to happen through the road I have taken. Only experience can prepare you for the different phases of a married life. But can I just tell you, it is those painful, hurtful, shattering moments I experienced that brought me to really know what God meant when he said, know me, learn of me and follow my ways.
Sometimes, we can come to that crossroads of choosing a path that may look like, one way is easy and one way is hard. I've faced those crossroads to see it as, one way is life and one way is death. For me, in my marriage, that crossroad looked like, this way of divorce would be easy but would bring death, and this way of staying in the marriage and going through the process is hard but will lead to life.
It was a life changing moment, as I sunk to my knees in prayer one day. It was through my broken heart, crying out to God to take this pain away from me that I heard a gentle voice prodding me to think differently. Instead of looking at it as a choice, it became clear it wasn't a choice but my calling as a wife, to bear all things, to love unconditionally, to separate my womanly desire for romance and gushy love, to excepting my part as a warrior in the spirit, to face the true enemy of my soul, and choose life, that can only be found through submission.
Now, submission, at least in my lifetime, has had a bad taste in my mouth. But what I heard, while on my knees, wasn't a submission to my husband (I will explain later), but a submission to Him. Ultimately, I was being encouraged to follow in obedience to Christ, to follow the road of truth that I am not able in myself to live out my life, in my flesh, but only unto God, who is able to help me, in His strength, to overcome this sin in my life, and submit to my husband in all things through my submission to Christ. It was like I was given my new orders. My calling was not a distant missions trip, or laying hands on people (though that is part of it), it is to lay down my life of romantic notions, and gushy love, and to find my fulfillment in surrender to the King.
It doesn't mean I can't have romance, nor that I"m not to submit to my husband. But that I was trying to outwardly do the right thing, and was unsatisfied because it wasn't working. I did the, I will work on this harder, to make it work, only to find my efforts of submission was not enough. My heart wanted to do the right thing, but my flesh wanted to have it's own way. It was two worlds finally colliding and one had to give. That is the crossroads. Am I going to choose my way, which is a death to a marriage OR am I going to choose HIS way, which is life to my very soul.
That day, I chose His way. When I opened my heart to Him, I realized that my sin of selfishness and wanting things my WAY was grievous. My heart was pricked with conviction to change. Jesus has wanted me to open my eyes and see the greatest joy of loving someone, even in their failures and making a choice to give of myself, to the love of my life, and choose to never give up. The sweetest reward has been the joy of laying down my life everyday. It's not easy! I am a witness that this choice can only be fulfilled by a daily surrender to Christ. But it is the way that leads to life. I am glad of it.
We can have hopes of a romantic life and wanting that beautiful life ever after. But for me, it was sacrificing my dreams that I had imagined in my life, to living a life laid down, in surrender of another dream, that means now, I am living for HIM.
This is how you OVERCOME in your marriage. When you've done everything to fix your marriage, and you feel there is no other way but divorce. You have tried counseling, talked until your head hurts and still there seems to be no alternative. Can I just tell you, there is ONE way, and it's not the easy way. But it is the way of life, that leads to true happiness. It's through surrendering your way to Christ. Allowing Him to strip your inward self that wants it's own way and coming in alignment to true obedience to Christ, to choose HIS way, of loving through HIM, and following his way through TRUE forgiveness and allowing HIM to love through you. It's worth it!!!! You can read more about this as I post more down the road.
I have a video a friend of mine shared on Facebook, that I want to share with you. It shows what true married love looks like. Please watch.
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